David Whiting Live

Rochester #2 in the nation... (sadly)...

Rochester is #2 in the nation for unmarried couples living together (33% of couples living together in Rochester are unmarried).  Number 1 is Camden, NJ (35%).

Nationwide, the 12% of couples living together are unmarried (that is a 25% increase in ten years). 

How to Provoke Your Children to Anger

How to provoke your children to anger (Ephesians 6:4):

1. A weak marriage
2. Having a child-centered home
3. Modeling sinful anger
4. Consistently dIsicpling in anger
5. Scolding / Nagging
6. Inconsistent discipline
7. Double standards
8. Being legalistic
9. Rarely admitting wrong and rarely seeking forgiveness from children/spouse
10. Quick to find fault
11. Parents reversing God-given roles
12. Not listening to child's suggestions or ideas
13. Comparing children to other children
14. Not making time for them
15. Not praising or encouraging enough
16. Not keeping promises
17. Correcting publicly
18. Controlling their lives so they make few decisions
19. Allowing too much freedom
20. Not treating them in age-appropriate ways with freedoms and choices
21. Mocking your child
22. Abusing your child physically
23. Calling your children names
24. Unrealistic expectations
25. Showing favoritism

List adapted from Lou Priolo and Paul Tautges

 

Steve Jobs Failed...

That's probably a strong title and maybe it's unfair... But here's why I say that.

Steve Jobs asked Walter Isaacson to write an authorized biography about him. He's has been working on it for two years and will be published later this month.

Isaacson was with Jobs a few weeks before his death and asked him why he wanted a biography written about him when he has been so private all of his life.

His answer is sad: "I wanted my kids to know me. I wasn't always there for them, and I wanted them to know why and to understand what I did."

How sad. He may have succeeded as the most innovative man in modern history, but he seems to have recognized that he failed as a father.  So - was Steve Jobs a success or a failure?

Here is what I know... many men could be the lead pastor of Northridge Church. No one else can be my children's dad. It may be the one area of life where I've been smarter than Steve Jobs.

Two Things That Overwhelm Me...

For the last couple of days, I've been overwhelmed by two realities:

1. God's mercy and grace are SO great to me! I so badly deserve judgment - He gives me mercy. I deserve to try to "earn my way" and He gives me grace. This is no less true today than always, but I've been overwhelmed by it this week.
2. I am now a parent of three teenagers (Emily turned 13 on Tuesday). That is overwhelming to me. I have now been a parent for almost 17 years, and in 7 more years, I won't have any teenagers in my house. That is crazy! It sobers me - and frankly - it scares me. I am so blessed, but I need to be focused on what God has called me to do. I often remind myself - hundreds of people can pastor this church, but only one person can be a father to my children. I don't want to blow it.

Those two realities overwhelm me - and hopefully help me focus on enjoying God and pleasing Him.

 

Family Devotions - A Few Ideas

Based on Sunday's sermon (you can listen or download it HERE) and based on last week's blog about Family Devotions (you can read that post and the comments HERE), I promised a suggested list of books to possibly use as resources for family devotions.  Based on the blog comments and emails that were sent to me I want to give you a selective list that was put together for me (there are more recommendations on the comments section of the blog mentioned above).

Also many of these books overlap in age appropriateness - so don't lock in the age category too much. More than anything, keep trying things until you find something that "works." We have or recently ordered many of these books for our bookstore. Don't feel obligated to buy it from us, but if it is cheapest and most convenient, over half of these are available there.

PRE-SCHOOL AGE:

• Gotta Have God: Devotions for Boys (Legacy Press)
• The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His (Sally Lloyd-Jones)
• The Big Picture Story Bible (David Helm)
• Mighty Acts of God (Starr Meade)

ELEMENTARY AGE (although appropriate for younger and older):

• Our 24 family Ways (Clay & Sally Clarkson)
• Sticky Situations (Betsy Schmitt)
• Family Time Devotions Pack (High Point Resource)
• Step Into the Bible (Ruth Graham)
• Keys for Kids - FREE RESOURCE - sign up HERE

PRE-TEENS (and younger and older, if appropriate):

• The Ultimate Devo for Boys (Ed Strauss)
• Devotions to Take You Deeper (Ed Strauss)
• Girl Talk (Lois Walfrid Johnson)

TEENS

• Faith Factor (Jackie Perseghetti)
• Jesus Freaks (DC Talk) - stories of modern martyrs
• On Tack Devotionals (Dwight Peterson)
• Everything Counts (Steve Case)

I hope this list is helpful. Feel free to leave a comment on the blog if you have another suggestion. I'm sure there are hundreds of other great resources. I think devotions with teens are more difficult (if you are looking for a resource). I think they should be strongly pushed toward their own private devotions, and that may impact how you use a family devotional time. Maybe it is a reading a book, Christian biography, or memorizing a verse of the month together.

HELP! What Are Your Favorite "Family Devotion" Resources?

This Sunday is part 2 of the sermon series on parenting, called "transPARENT."  I'm wondering what your favorite resources that you've used for family devotions.  Could you put a comment here or just send me an email? I'd like to put a list together of the most popular suggestions and post it next week as a resource to parents.  Also - could you put what ages you think that resource works best for?  THANKS.

It would help a lot of parents if we could list several ideas!

You KNOW You Are a Mom When...

I found this list years ago...

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A MOTHER WHEN...

• ... you offer to cut up other people's food
• ... you want to be alone, so you have to hide in the bathroom
• ... you hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your kids will eat
• ... your child throws up and you catch it
• ... someone else's kid throws up at a party and you keep eating; it doesn't faze you
• ... you read that the average five-year-old asks 492 questions a day and you feel proud your child is above average
• ... you use your own saliva to clean other people's faces
• ... you hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth
• ... you stop criticizing the way your mother raised you
• ... you hire a sitter because you can't remember the last time you went out alone with your husband, but then you spend half the night checking on the kids and the other half of the night talking about the kids
• ... you say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job," but you wouldn't trade it for the world

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, MOM!

Why I Read Books to My Daughters

I like to read books to my girls. During the building project, I didn't read very much to them, so it is nice to begin to get back in the habit.

On Saturday night I finished reading a biography of George Mueller to them. It wasn't the best written book, but the life of George Mueller is such an amazing example that I decided to read it anyway. I read it when I was 14 or 15 and it influenced me in a big way. So a year ago or so I dug through a box and was able to find my high school copy of the book. 

When we finished the book Saturday night - the first comment came from our youngest, Emily (11 years old). She said something like this, "That's a great book for people to read because they will KNOW that God is real. That guy [George Mueller] never asked people for money, but God always gave it to him."

We then spent some time searching online for pictures of Mueller's Orphanages. I love those important family moments. And hearing Emily's unprovoked thoughts on the book make reading to them SO worth it!

I'm excited to begin a new book on Sunday night. I'm choosing between two books - a missionary biography called "To the Golden Shore" (Adoniram Judson) or "The Princess Bride." One very spiritually oriented - the other one is just fun... I'm leaning toward "The Princess Bride." It's a great movie, a great book, and just plain fun!

Sue and I were in a MOPS group on Friday answering questions about parenting young children, and at one point I talked about how I miss changing our daughter's diapers and giving them baths. I suspect that in a few years I will miss reading to them. I need to remember that NOW so I take advantage of the few years I have left with them in the house.

A Highlight of My Life

Sunday night was a huge ministry highlight of my life. After not leading worship for several months, I came out of "retirement." But what made it special was that I led a couple of songs with my daughter, Morgan. We postponed Vertical Worship one week because of last Sunday's weather - so we lost our female vocalist (who went back to Cedarville). So I asked Morgan to step in for two songs. And my heart was filled with joy to share that experience with her. She has a great voice, but I'm more moved by her desire to please God and use the gifts she has been given by Him.

Yet, public serving is a scary thing. Jesus said that the only way to be sure of your reward is to serve privately; when you serve privately, your motives are more likely pure (Matthew 6). But there are some areas of service that are impossible to do completely privately, and many of them are VERY public. Jesus' point was always about motive.

Here are the four things I talked to the girls about:

ON THE POSITIVE SIDE:

• Using the gifts God has given for His glory is among the most fulfilling moments of life. There are very few things that compare to living for God's glory, using your gifts to impact others. There is great joy in that.
• There is nothing like doing what you love with people that you love. Last night I led worship with a group of friends (Mark, Gary, Jim, Willie, and Harlan). I serve on staff with a group of friends. For all 18 years of my pastoral ministry, I've had the unbelievable joy of doing what I love with people I love. So to do what I love (lead people in worshiping God) with one of my daughters - - - it is hard to describe. There is nothing better in ministry.

ON THE "HARD SIDE":

• People's approval can be addictive. Fight against living for pleasing people (Gal. 1:10). This is a constant battle for those who serve in front of a group of people. Public serving can mess people up.
• Fight pride. Just because you have gifts that others do not have doesn't make you better than them. It just makes you different, and you have to live with the burden of having a gift that gets occasional attention. My wife would never want to stand in front of a group of people, yet she is equally as gifted as those who have "public" gifts.

What a great highlight for me; what a teachable moment for my family!

Why Not Santa Claus?

My wife and I never pretended with our children that Santa Claus was real, and we don't recommend it for others. There are a few reasons that I would encourage young parents NOT to teach the Santa myth to their children:

• You will simultaneously be teaching them two stories... the story of Jesus and the story of Santa. Eventually, they will figure out that Santa isn't real, and eventually they will be told by people in their culture that the story of Jesus isn't either. We wanted everything we told our children about Christmas to be true. We didn't want them to eventually know that some things WEREN'T true and wonder which ones really are true and which ones are just made up.
• It seems to me that the worst thing could be a child who says, "If my parents pretended there was a Santa, I wonder what else they tell me that they are pretending about."
• Also, Christmas is SO important theologically. It is the story of EMMANUEL (God with us). There is so much REAL excitement, joy, and content with the real Christmas story - why "clog" it up with fake stories of coming down the chimney, the north pole, reindeer, etc... We wanted to spend our teaching time with the kids on what really matters and on what really happened. 

We weren't legalistic about it. We didn't refuse to allow them to sing "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" when on came on the CD player, or refuse to allow them to watch a TV movie that uses a Santa character. We just always openly told them that Santa is pretend and Jesus is REAL. 

Many would say that teaching their children the "Santa myth" is harmless. Maybe so, but I wouldn't risk it.

One more thought - we also always told them it wasn't their responsibility to tell other children that Santa wasn't real. They didn't need to be the "Santa police."