David Whiting Live

10 Questions to Ask Before Confrontation

This is a great list of questions to ask before you decide to confront someone:

1. Have I asked God to search my own heart for hidden, secret sins of which I need to repent? (Psalm 139:23-24)
2. Have I honestly searched my own life to see if I am guilty of the same sin of which I intend to confront my brother/sister? (Matthew 7:3-5)
3. Am I judging rightly, as Jesus directed, or do I simply have a judgmental attitude? (John 7:24)
4. Have I prayed for my brother's/sister's heart to be tender and receptive to my concern? (Isaiah 57:15)
5. Have I prayed for ears to listen to my brother's/sister's words and a heart to listen to the meaning behind his/her words? (James 1:19)
6. Have I recently been reminded of how I myself am also very vulnerable to temptation? (Galatians 6:1)
7. Have I recently read Romans 6 & 7 and been reminded of my own sinfulness and desperate need for the Gospel and a gracious Savior? (Romans 7:24)
8. Am I willing to be patient and ready to help my brother/sister bear his/her sin burden? (Galatians 6:2)
9. Am I wililng to love my brother/sister enough to speak the truth in love? (Ephesians 4:15)
10. Am I now ready to go to him/her in a spirit of gentleness and humility or am I angry and, therefore, more likely to be harsh? (Galatians 6:1)

These questions were written by Paul Tautges from THIS website.

"Blame It on the Brain?" - A book worth reading

For those in our EQUIP class, you should be reading "Blame It On the Brain" for our next meeting (February 11). For those of you NOT in EQUIP, I would highly recommend you to get this book. It gives a theological basis for how to view head injuries, mental illnesses, and other behaviors. It tackles issues such as depression, A.D.H.D, homosexuality and alcoholism. He write about which of these are sin issues, which ones are malfunctions of the brain, and which ones might be a mixture of the two. It truly would be worth reading.

For those in EQUIP - in case you haven't gotten started or have not read very far, let me point out the chapters that I would urge you to prioritize. Here is what I would recommend if you can't read the entire book by February 11.

• Introduction - Read
• Chapters 1-3 - Read (theological basis for how to view these issues)
• Chapters 4-5 - Optional (Alzheimer's & Head injuries)
• Chapters 6-8 - Read (Intro to Psychiatric Problems, Depression, and A.D.D)
• Chapters 9-10 - Optional (homosexuality and alcoholism)
• Conclusion - Read

I look forward to talking about the issues of medication at the next EQUIP class. As a reminder, we are meeting at 8:00 AM instead of 9:00 AM. Thanks for being flexible. I look forward to seeing you on February 11 at 8:00 AM.

"Self-Esteem Is Losing Favor" - article from Washington Post

A recent article in the Washington Post begins this way:

For decades, the prevailing wisdom in education was that high self-esteem would lead to high achievement. The theory led to an avalanche of daily affirmations, awards ceremonies and attendance certificates — but few, if any, academic gains.

You can read the entire article HERE.

Those in EQUIP know that the self-esteem movement is not only prevalent in our public education system; it is fully ingrained in most Christian homes and churches. So any breakdown of our culture's love of self-esteem is a good thing.

May we find our esteem only in Christ!

Helping Others See and Solve Their Problems

We are reading "Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands" for EQUIP. It is an amazing book that I have read three times, but need to keep reading! Those in EQUIP should read as much of the book as possible before Saturday's class

Favorite quotes from chapter 13:

• We tend to be shortsighted and self-absorbed. We forget that God's primary goal is not changing our situations and relationships so that we can be happy, but changing us through our situations and relationships so that we will be holy. (p. 241)
• This is one reason why the Bible does not present divorce as a solution to marriage problems, though it may be a result. Unrepented adultery may provide biblical grounds for release from the marriage covenant, but divorce does not solve the problems that led to it. Divorce changes relationships, situations, and locations, but it doesn't change the heart. People who use divorce as a solution often repeat the same problems in subsequent relationships because the one thing that needed to change reminded unchanged: them! They were blinded by their own now-ism. But if they see their marriage NOW as a training ground for their marriage THEN, the trials God sends their way make perfect sense. As you solve marriage problems with THEN in view, you won't deal with trouble by separating from your spouse. You will learn how God wants to change you so that you can better live with him or her. Your NOW response will be shaped by a THEN perspective. (p. 242)

Confrontation... The Struggle and the Need

For EQUIP, we are reading "Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands" (this month chapters 9 - appendixes).

Two Favorite quotes from chapter 12 on Confrontation:

• Our goal (in confrontation) is not to communicate a list of offenses, but to help people see themselves. Often when people tell their story, they are not in it! They focus on the difficulties of the situation and the attitudes and behavior of others. They don't include their own thoughts, desires, choices, and actions. While we are sensitive to the realities of suffering and being sinned against, our goal is to encourage people to look at their behavior and examine their hearts with biblical eyes. (p. 223)
• The most basic question in all personal ministry is, "For whose glory are you living?" (p. 226)

You Really Should Read This Story!! - A Personal Story about Anxiety...

A person who was reading one of our EQUIP books, "When People Are Big and God Is Small," wrote me an email a couple of months ago that was amazing! I wanted to share it with you (with her permission):

I have struggled with some degree of social anxiety disorder since adolescence.  (Social Anxiety Disorder takes all the "fear of man" issues discussed in the book, multiplies them to the point of irrationality, and then mixes in some physical/biological responses like nausea, sweaty palms, shallow breathing, fast heart rate; your classic "fight or flight" response.)  Secular counselors would tell you that this developed as a response to having had bad (or even abusive) social experiences in the past, and that I just need to learn to believe that I am essentially good and worth liking.  This is a lie.  These ideas muffle the identification of sin. 

 

I began to feel my deepest conviction in this area of sin in my life several years ago when my mother in law (a wonderful Godly woman I look up to) called me one day to tell me (with great emotion) that she felt unwelcome in my home, and it was hurting her.  This revelation hit me like a ton of bricks.  You see, I had been so fixated on what she would think of the condition of things (dirty dishes in the sink, toys on the floor, kitchen floor un-mopped) and therefore what she would think of me, that I avoided her coming inside.  Ever.  Of course, I did not discriminate; very few people had been in my home without a week's preparation.   

 

I was hurting someone I care deeply for, only because I so much wanted to avoid being hurt by her.  Who did I care for more?  Her, or myself?  The truth of this question was not easy to swallow, as I realized that this was at the core of my social anxiety.

The point was this: rather than asking myself how I could honor God with my home, and how can I best love my mother in law, I was asking myself how can I avoid anyone finding out what a terrible housekeeper I really am? How can I avoid SHAME?  So this problem really had two faces. On one hand,  I needed to change some habits in order to actually be a better housekeeper; to honor God by being a better steward of what He has charged me with. On the other hand, I really did need to focus more outward on others and concern myself with loving them rather than hiding myself  from them to avoid shame. (Adam and Eve hiding in the garden after realizing they were naked has a much deeper meaning for me now!) This realization extended to all social interactions; when the panic attack starts; when the palpitations and fear and desire to avoid shame come, who am I loving most?  God and others?  Or myself?  OUCH.  

 

Have I overcome this struggle?  NO WAY.  But, I have been learning since then that whatever bad experiences I may have had can not pardon my sin of self-absorption, and that modern psychology merely affirms that sin and puts a positive spin on it to make you feel better.  (As described on pgs. 87-88)  I am thoroughly enjoying this book because it has deepened my understanding.  I know it will become a great tool for continuing to replace my sinful attitudes with correct ones.

 

Thanks for EQUIP class; we have been longing for this kind of learning and growth for some time.  :)

If you haven't read "When People Are Big and God Is Small" - you really should read it! It could change your life!

Are You Up To Date with EQUIP?

Those of you who are part of EQUIP - are you up to date on your reading and the classes?  Did you miss the last class?

If so - go HERE (http://www.northridgerochester.com/NextSteps/EQUIP) to catch up on any classes you missed. The videos are password protected, but the website gives instructions on how to get the password.

This last month's class showed a sample counseling session. Make sure you catch up if you are behind.

And don't forget to be reading the book "What Did You Expect?" It is the best book I ever ever read on marriage. You have two weeks until the next class. Get as much of it read as possible!

If you want to go straight to the video for last month's EQUIP class - click HERE

2011.09.10 - Spiritual Influence - Lesson 5 from Northridge Media on Vimeo.

The next class is October 8th.

 

EQUIP - When People Are Big and God Is Small

I'm making final preparations for Saturday's EQUIP class today (Thursday). I read the last chapter of the book, and I think it was my favorite chapter.  Even if you didn't finish the book, make sure you read the final chapter of "When People Are Big and God Is Small."

Saturday or Sunday, you should pick up the next book or two:

• July's book - Relationships: A Mess Worth Making - by Paul Tripp
• September's book - Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave - by Ed Welch

These two books are great! Even if you are struggling to get all the reading done - you need these two books in your home.  The second one isn't solely about addictions.  I've subtitled it "Discipleship 101." You will love them both - I'm sure!

Here is an email I received from a woman in the EQUIP class. What an encouragement!

I am only almost halfway through the book, but I wanted to share:

 

I have struggled with some degree of social anxiety disorder since adolescence.  (Social Anxiety Disorder takes all the "fear of man" issues discussed in the book, multiplies them to the point of irrationality, and then mixes in some physical/biological responses like nausea, sweaty palms, shallow breathing, fast heart rate; your classic "fight or flight" response.)  Secular counselors would tell you that this developed as a response to having had bad (or even abusive) social experiences in the past, and that I just need to learn to believe that I am essentially good and worth liking.  This is a lie.  These ideas muffle the identification of sin.   

 

I began to feel my deepest conviction in this area of sin in my life several years ago when my mother in law (a wonderful Godly woman I look up to) called me one day to tell me (with great emotion) that she felt unwelcome in my home, and it was hurting her.  This revelation hit me like a ton of bricks.  You see, I had been so fixated on what she would think of the condition of things (dirty dishes in the sink, toys on the floor, kitchen floor un-mopped) and therefore what she would think of me, that I avoided her coming inside.  Ever.  Of course, I did not discriminate; very few people had been in my home without a week's preparation.  

I was hurting someone I care deeply for, only because I so much wanted to avoid being hurt by her.  Who did I care for more?  Her, or myself?  The truth of this question was not easy to swallow, as I realized that this was at the core of my social anxiety. 

 

The point was this: rather than asking myself how I could honor God with my home, and how can I best love my mother in law, I was asking myself how can I avoid anyone finding out what a terrible housekeeper I really am?  How can I avoid SHAME?  So this problem really had two faces.  On one hand,  I needed to change some habits in order to actually be a better housekeeper; to honor God by being a better steward of what He has charged me with.  On the other hand, I really did need to focus more outward on others and concern myself with loving them rather than hiding myself  from them to avoid shame.  (Adam and Eve hiding in the garden after realizing they were naked has a much deeper meaning for me now!)  This realization extended to all social interactions; when the panic attack starts; when the palpitations and fear and desire to avoid shame come, who am I loving most?  God and others?  Or myself?  OUCH.   

 

Have I overcome this struggle?  NO WAY.  But, I have been learning since then that whatever bad experiences I may have had can not pardon my sin of self-absorption, and that modern psychology merely affirms that sin and puts a positive spin on it to make you feel better.  (As described on pgs. 87-88)  I am thoroughly enjoying this book because it has deepened my understanding.  I know it will become a great tool for continuing to replace my sinful attitudes with correct ones.

 

Thanks for EQUIP class; we have been longing for this kind of learning and growth for some time.  :)

 

Prepping for EQUIP

Don't forget that our next EQUIP class on Spiritual Influence is on June 11. Here are a couple of reminders:

• If you haven't picked up the book "When People Are Big and God Is Small" by Ed Welch, be sure to get it by this Sunday and read it!
• The content of the book is very important in understanding your own actions. There is probably not a day that goes by that "fearing people" doesn't impact what we do. We are enjoying reading it to our two older children. It is so applicable to all of us.
• The book for July is "Relationships: A Mess Worth Making." This is probably one of my favorite books of all time. I hope you enjoy it!

 

EQUIP - Class #2 - Video Available

For those who are signed up for the EQUIP class, you can now watch yesterday's class at our church website.

Go HERE (http://www.northridgerochester.com/NextSteps/EQUIP/SpiritualInfluence?id=2)

At our church website, you find it under "Next Steps" - then "Equip."

This video is for those who have signed up for the class and is password protected. At the location of the video, you will be given instructions on how to get the password.